Grief seems to be like a pendulum waiving to and fro. At one point, the day-to-day life is proceeding like it always has, but then a realization that there is a permanent change, a missing person in my life, will then send it to the other side and it is all I can do to get out of bed. But, get out of bed I do. And try and do the next thing. I keep thinking I “should” be doing more of the projects, more of the live broadcasts, more of ….. but then I realize I can only do the next thing and all that “should-ing” is just making it harder to focus on what I am working my way through. So, I do try and focus on what I need to each day: get dressed, eat, drink water, take my supplements and pills, and pack orders. I’m working on Tom’s ebay, Knitting Today’s ebay, and Knitting Today’s website orders. So actually, that counts as three things, right? And then I try and do something around the house that will eliminate some of the clutter we brought home from the building when it was sold last spring. And so the day goes …
Liz Newman is an author new to me. On Facebook, she posts some very poignant poetry about grief. Her book is available on Amazon. Or follow her on Facebook. Today’s was:
Memories are powerful gifts. Memories give voice and renewed hope to our stories as we reflect and remember. Memories remind us of the legacies of love we carry with us each and every day, and how those stories intertwine with all the new chapters we will write.
A memory shared about a lost loved one can feel like a piece of them returned to us through another person’s eyes. Memories give our past moments a secure spot in our future. It is our way of carrying love, in all its beautiful resilience, forward through time.
Yes, memories are beautiful gifts. They help us honor the story that’s been written so far and the story we will still write as we courageously continue on (even though the story looks different than we ever imagined it would). Memories will comfort and remain and weave their way through every new day.
Perhaps most importantly, memories are meant to be shared. So when you’re ready, I hope you share them.
… Memories Remain
As I look back through photos and videos and I remember all the times Tom hauled boxes, set up shelves, rearranged the store, sat and knit, ran the sales counter for Superbowl Sunday or Camp iwannaknit, I started thinking about how much events, projects, and stories Tom was involved in for Knitting Today. I’ll likely share some of them later on as I spend more time working on what the future looks like for my work . But, what memories remain for you? Do you have any you would like to share? Have you associated a project with a memory? Share away….
When business changes and distributors step up and put in place programs to help, it seems silly not to advertise it. But, that is what I have done. I thought I wasn’t worthy of advertising but the reality is, I need to continue to make money while being a caregiver and this is one way I can do it. So, have a look through and see if there isn’t a project you can’t live without. Kindly, select our store as your LYS to receive credit: Zip Code 46795, Store name: Knitting Today …. and help us pay some bills. Thank you ever so much!!!!
Someone asked me how it felt being isolated for COVID. My reply was …. nothing really has changed, we’ve been isolating since Tom’s bile duct cancer diagnosis at Christmas. I do have to say though, that it is nice being isolated WITH Tom. If he didn’t have the cancer, he would still be working umpteen hours a day and I would be home and at work alone. I do miss my get-together time on Friday afternoons. I’ve lost track of what all the girls are doing or working on and that makes me really, really sad. We did do a few zoom meetups with the Porchtalk.KnittingToday.com members (have you joined yet?) and that was lovely. But tbh, I’m ready to sit in the coffee shop across from another body and visit about things other than COVID and cancer. I have had some friends stop by and drag me out for a walk or sit down at the lake socially-distanced and that has been sooo appreciated.
What have I been working on? Nightshift, Chemo Hat, Lace shawl, Website and Taxes, and eating well with Epicure
Nightshift: I’ve been continuing to work on the Noro Ito Nightshift Shawl. That has been so popular I have reordered and have a supply available again. Everyone’s turns out a bit different, and its only 2 balls of 2 colors of Noro Ito! You can place an order here. It has become almost meditative when I’m working on it. Slip, knit, slip, knit. repeat. change colors. Knit one row. Purl one row. I’ve uploaded a few videos in our KAL group on Porchtalk if you want to take a look.
Chemo Hat: I started this for Tom when I realized he would get a cold head during chemo. I wanted a soft yarn, and if I remember this is a bamboo blend. It is a mystery yarn club yarn from Zombie Yarns back in 2016(?) …. it is two strands of fingering held together and Chic Knit’s Basic Chic Beanie pattern. I thought I would finish up during chemo this past Monday, but instead I really looked at the instructions for the pattern and realized I’d done the decreases all wrong. I guess I thought Bonne Marie had come up with a unique top for the ribbed decreases, but in reality, I misread the pattern. I would have had double the height and quite pointy if I’d kept going the direction I was headed in addition to likely running out of yarn. So, rippit I did and reminisced about my friend Heather, who had passed away from cancer a while back. I loved having her at retreat and being my sounding board so much. She was an adventurer, experimenter, teacher, and loved to do all things knitting machine. The reason rippit reminded me of her is she used to throw out little plastic frogs anytime someone needed to tear back during her classes at Camp Iwannaknit.
Lace Shawl: Oh my, when did i start this project? I think its called the Travelling Woman something or other. I’ll try and find the details. I dug it out so I could have something that would really hold my attention and force me to focus. The yarn is a cashmere blend and it was one of the first mystery yarn clubs I ran with Dream in Color’s yarn. I had worked one entire ball of yarn, and am about halfway through the second ball and stopped because I didn’t want to run out of yarn for the edging. Duh……it just dawned on me, all I need to do is knit the same length as the first ball. The two balls were close to the same size. LOL. Problem solved. I guess I’ll stop at 3 WIPs to haul to chemo (or the hotel room the hospital is providing due to COVID) with me every other week because my arms are getting heavy.
Website: I have really done a poor job of working on the website and keeping products updated. I found that if things don’t work automatically, I write them off and don’t do them manually. So, with the help of my Tribe 2019 friend, I’ve been working on integrating the website with my inventory, sales and purchasing systems. I must say they seem to be working now and with a few more tweaks I’m really pleased. Which leads me to the next item on my list, taxes …. I sure am thankful for the extension. And, now that I have my data all in one place, it should be a no brainer. I need to get them done as I think we’ll have a bit of a refund coming. Our budget is really strained with Tom’s short term disability and my lack of income from sales, so I would feel better getting that off my plate. And, once that is done I can go back to the Tribe course and work on the LK150 Success Academy Membership Community. Our members have been waiting patiently for me to get it together for the sampler project, video lessons, and meet-ups. I’m so thankful I have that community to work with.
Epicure: What’s that? Oh, my friends, let me tell you about this new-to-the-USA company. The are a clean, quick cooking, food company. My friend introduced me to them when she had to cook from a microwave during her husband’s hospital/doctor visit stay far from home. Knowing I would likely be eating hospital food and that it doesn’t agree with me, I wanted something healthy to have for the week to 30 days Tom would be hospitalized for his whipple. Not knowing what to expect, I bought their steamer and the Good Food. Real Results Kit which included a recipe book, scoops and basic seasonings. They are gluten free, low sodium, no preservatives or additives. Tom’s mom and I, along with the kids when they were there, made microwave lasagna, tacos, chicken and broccoli, shrimp alfredo, and more. Plus, we had eggs, oatmeal, rice, quinoa. All cooked in the steamer in the microwave. Did I mention the meats cook in 4 minutes!!!! Yes, I’m loving this cooking line. So much in fact, I become a consultant. I’m supposed to go around doing cooking shows, but you know — COVID …. so instead i set up a “Cooking Today with Lea-Ann” facebook group where I share what I’m cooking and how. Its been tasty and fun! I’ll share more as I learn more. And if you want more info about the company itself, here’s my consultant link.
And, lastly, I want to spend a moment reflecting on the fact that I am new to understanding white privilege, black lives matter, and what is happening in our world with protesting and rioting. I have to be honest in that I’ve never paid a lot of attention and I’m finding I should have. I do have friends who are affected, and I’ve never thought about what life is like for them. Social media is opening my view and I’m listening. I’m going to try and recognize my privilege. And I want to do better. I hope we can have an open, honest discussion if you see I need it. I am afraid to speak up, afraid to ask, afraid I’ll get my wrist slapped for not doing something right or wording something the wrong way. It makes me want to crawl into my chair and shut everything down, which is my typical stress release. But that doesn’t solve anything. I do not want anyone who spends time with me or shops with me to feel like they have to be worried about their safety or that they will be treated any differently just because of the color of their skin. I want love to prevail. I don’t know what else to say right now, except I see you. I’m listening. I want to do better. Thank you for reading.
Sometimes I find a pattern. Sometimes I find a yarn. Sometimes I see someone else’s projects and fall in love. Sometimes I find colors that will go with everything. And when all of those “sometimes” converge and I find the yarn and pattern intersection, it’s time to share with everyone in my little circle of knitters. So, without further ado, introducing the Nightshift Shawl and Noro Ito KAL. I’m doing a limited supply purchase (batches of 6 only and there are 2 spots left of the initial order) so please order quickly.
The colors of Ito are shown above. With the yarn doing its thing, it won’t be quite as stripey. But will be all over color and texture. And big, so you can stay warm this winter. Get on the preorder list NOW!